Lyoko Warriors Present: Top 11 Dumbest Inventions
by Lyoko Native
Summary: Inspired by Smoking Gun. 11 real inventions are given comments by our favorite warriors. One swear and one attempted swear. So K plus. I hope its funny. But it might not be because I'm tired.
1. Installment 1

Lyoko Warriors Present: Top 11 Dumbest Inventions (2010 Edition)

Featuring:

Jeremy Belpois

Odd Della-Robbia

Yumi Ishiyama

Ulrich Stern

Aelita Stones

#11: Kitty Krap Krib

Description: A very nice way to hide your litter box- it looks like a old fashioned house.

Ulrich face-palmed himself. "I don't want anything like that in my house."

Aelita looked around. "My cat would be crapping in something nicer than my dormitory! How fair is _that?_"

Yumi smiled. 'Hey, I could put Hiroki in one of those!"

Jeremy laughed. "The windows are stickers and come in three types! How lame is that?"

Odd thought about it. "I think I'm going to get one for Kiwi."

Ulrich pointed and said, "No. No for two reasons- one, those things are for cats. Two- Kiwi is a dog."

#10: Anti-Bandit Bag

Description: This bag has a special equipped removable bottom so a bandit can't take your things.

"So, wait. The bottom comes out to _stop _the bandit can't take your stuff?" Ulrich asked the others when the narrator finished explaining. "That's like giving a thief your money so he won't steal it."

"I think it would be great if some college kid pulled that by accident." Yumi thought out loud. "One second, he's rushing to class, next, he's scrambling for his essay."

Odd said with fake seriousness, "You know, I had one of those once." The others looked at him strangely. "I had to stop using it because I lost the bottom."

Aelita thought for a minute. "Why do I feel as if this would be something Sissi would endorse?" Aelita shook her head in disapproval.

"I think a lady used an Anti-Bandit Bag on my brother once. He said one minute, he was mugging this old lady, and the next, there was a brick on his foot." Jeremy said. "This is by far one of the stupidest things I've ever heard of."

#9: Motorized Surfboard

Description: In 1948, a Hollywood inventor creates a surfboard with a motor.

"Leave it to the Americans to invent something that puts this 'dys' in 'dysfunctional.'" Yumi said. "That's the lazy boy surfing technique."

Ulrich laughed. "Now, admit it, you would laugh, to, if you saw a guy chugging around on his little motorized surfboard!"

Jeremy shook his head. "Now, even I'm not that lazy."

"You aren't lazy, Jeremy. Just," Aelita tried to put a word to him.

Odd nodded. "She's trying to put it tactfully. Try 'puny.' Or maybe 'dorkish.'"

"_Scrawny._"Aelita said in annoyance.

#8: Rainy Day Cigarette Holder

Description: Now you can smoke outside without getting your cigarette wet with the Rainy Day Cigarette Holder!

"I think you said that at least three times, twice direct and once indirect." Jeremy corrected the narrator.

Yumi thought for a minute. "Does anyone care enough about their cigarettes that they have to keep them dry to smoke them?"

Odd paused. "I..." He finally shrugged. "I got nothing."

"The word 'stupid' comes to mind." Aelita said.

Odd nodded. "That's one word."

Ulrich shook his head. "I don't think she was talking about the cigarette holder, Odd, but either way, she's right."

#7: Illuminated Car Tires

Description: The name explains it all. Think of five words that describe this. Go.

Odd acted first. "Stupid."

Yumi agreed with, "Pointless."

"Imbecilic." Aelita added.

"Simpleminded." Jeremy said.

"Dumb." Ulrich said point-blankly.

#6: Mother Substitute

Description: To comfort very young children, the Japanese invented fake breasts with a fake heartbeat.

Aelita paused. "It sounds very..." She paused longer. "...fake."

Yumi stood up sharply. "I find it offensive that this invention is even on here!"

Odd mumbled a laugh. "Heh heh. _Offensive._ Heh heh."

Ulrich smacked Odd in a response. Jeremy simply shook his head. "Disturbing." He and Ulrich said at the same time.

#5: The Clapper

Description: Who doesn't know the Clapper?

Aelita shrugged. "What's a Clapper?"

Ulrich laughed. "That's a good one, Princess."

"No, really. What's a Clapper?" Aelita asked again.

Jeremy said, "The real question here is why this is on the list..."

"Because it's so smart it's _stupid._" Yumi answered. "Besides, it makes people lazy."

Odd sprang up. "Did you hear? Now, if you have become too lazy to clap to turn off your electronics, they have the Clapper Plus- _all you have to do is hit a button_!"

The group laughed as Odd did the hula. Aelita smiled. "I still don't know what it is..."

#4: Watch your Snot

Description: It is simply a box of tissues you can wear on your wrist. Got a boogey? There's a watch for that.

Yumi shrugged. "When I was a kid, we just wiped it on our arms."

"People have too much damn time." Ulrich said bluntly.

"Who really sits down and thinks of new ways to give kids tissues?" Aelita shuddered.

Odd laughed. "I'm totally going out and buying on of those. How convenient is that?"

Jeremy looked at him. "Seriously?" He said, then adding, "That could've made number one."

#3: Baby Cage

Description: Used to keep from smothering the baby accidentally in sleep. But, for crying out loud, it's a CAGE!

"What kind of sadistic moron puts their baby in a cage?" Jeremy asked.

Aelita pretended to be a baby. "No, no, Mommy, not the Baby Cage!" She regained her composure. "That is sadistic."

Yumi shrugged. "Great invention, though."

Everyone looked at her. Odd added, "It is, besides the fact its a cage."

Ulrich looked around and yelled, 'WHAT THE FU-"

#2: Hawaii for Losers

Description: A chair that has a seat which moves you around in the way of the hula dancer!

Odd smiled. "My sisters have one of those. They say its great."

Jeremy shook his head. "Its like how to turn your wife into a slut in 10 days or less."

Yumi smiled and said, "Can anyone tell me what Jeremy's face would look like if we put Aelita on one of those?" Ulrich, Yumi and Odd all dropped their chins in mockery ways and Jeremy blushed.

Ulrich laughed. "I can totally see him doing that."

"You guys!" Jeremy complained.

"They apparently have great reviews." Aelita said, completely off the 'Jeremy's Face' topic, but otherwise on topic.

#1: Halfway There

Description: A man in the 20th century invented a robot that answered telephones.

Aelita pointed out, "But he forgot to make a voice for it." She nodded sarcastically. "Doesn't that make perfect sense?"

Jeremy smiled. "It sounds like something Herve would do." He sort of danced in his chair.

Odd smiled as well. "Maybe, if we made it sound like its breathing, people will hang up."

Yumi looked at him. "Why don't we make it say, 'Luke, I am your father' every time instead?" Yumi asked. "You'd probably get a few screams from that."

Ulrich smiled. "This is classic. Simply, simply classic." He laughed. "That's like giving a blind person a driver's license. How do you even get away with that?"

That's all for now! Tune in next month for the dumbest careers edition!

A/N: The sad part is all of those are real inventions. Even the baby cage. And the silent robot. And the hula chair. All of them.


	2. Installment 2

Lyoko Warriors Present: Top 5 Dumbest Inventions

Featuring:

Aelita Stones

Jeremy Belpois

Odd Della-Robbia

Ulrich Stern

Yumi Ishiyama

#5: Honegar

Description: A mixture of honey and vinegar.

"Ew!" Aelita screeched, covering her head with her hands. "That's so gross!"

"Even I won't eat that! What's the point in something like that?" Odd asked, smacking his head.

"Well, honey and vinegar are common remedies to many illnesses…" Jeremy started, and then added, "But that's just stupid."  
Ulrich laughed. "Can anyone see the nurse having that in her office?"

"I asked her if she did, and she gave me her entire jar." Yumi said, revealing a jar of Honegar. "Who wants to go first?"

#4: Underwater Hockey

Description: Underwater Hockey! The same as regular hockey! Just under the ice instead of on it.

"That's not the stupid part, either," Jeremy said like a spokesperson. "The stupid part is the players don't use oxygen tanks!"

"Not to mention it's, like, negative 32 degrees under there!" Yumi added, and she shivered thinking about it.

"Okay," Ulrich shook his head. "People just keep coming up with more and more ways to screw stuff up, don't they?"

Odd nodded. "That's so true. Truey, truey, true."

"What happens if they drown?" Aelita asked innocently. The group shrugged in response.

#3: Flying Platform

Description: A military invention… what it sounds like, just with a lot of smoke.

"From what I've come to understand," Odd said, "this is the same platform used by the Green Goblin to terrorize New York City."

"Only _you _would know that, Odd." Aelita added.

"My theory is that the Green Goblin stole it." Yumi nodded, and she turned to Ulrich.

"Uh, what?" Ulrich said. "Sure, maybe that's what happened. Whatever."

"I'm still surprised that the platform works. Why can't they invent jetpacks?" Jeremy asked.

#2: HP Face Tracker Camera

Description: A camera designed to recognize faces and follow them as they move.

"Now," Yumi started, "The dumb part is, it has a glitch that makes the camera unable to track black people."

"It's a tragedy; really," Aelita said, "that now, the world is so racist even our technology is racist."

"Come on, people! Get with the times! The U.S of A has its first African American president!" Jeremy shouted. "This needs to be fixed immediately."

Odd faced palmed himself. "Face palm. Because explaining in words how dumb that really was just don't work."

Ulrich blinked. "Wow, Odd," He said, "That was by far the smartest thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth."

"I got it off the internet." Odd smiled proudly.

"Figures." Ulrich sulked.

#1: The Treadmoblie

Description: Kind of like the Flintstones' car, only it's a treadmill… on wheels…

Ulrich screamed. "That's the best idea ever! You're such a genius!" He shouted sarcastically. "What the hell is that weird thing? Who in the hell would by that hunk of junk?"

Jeremy raised his hand slowly. "Well, I would, for starters. But you could see a couple of rappers wanting something like that, too, right? Someone like that."

"Yeah, right, Jeremy. I'll bet all the girls would fall for a rapper on the Treadmoblie." Odd shook his head.

Yumi rolled her eyes. "Get real, Odd. It's a rapper. Who wants to hang out with a rapper?"

Aelita raised her hand quickly then put it down before Yumi looked at her. "I do," Aelita smiled.

Ulrich laughed. "HA, but you know, Aelita's totally bad-ass…" He broke down laughing, unable to stop.

Odd looked at Aelita. "Oh, great, Aelita. You broke him!"

A/N: Once again, all real inventions… and you all could see Jeremy on the Treadmoblie, am I right? By all my reviewers, that all agreed that the first was really funny… and I re-read the first installment and it was funny… I hope this is as funny as the last one! I'm not sure if there will be another L.W.P, and if there is, it probably won't be inventions. I had a hard time finding these! But they were funny… Google them or something.

Potential Reviewers: I'd love it if you'd tell me your favorite invention from both installments. You could tell me your favorite from both installments, or your favorite overall… mine has got to be a tie between the Treadmoblie, the Silent Robot and the Baby Cage.


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